In a land full of sand, it sprang from the Nile,
Which made trade and transport a facile trial,
Predictable flooding ensured abundance of crops,
So that the power of Egypt quickly rose to the tops,
To preserve the ka, tombs and temples were constructed,
Cuz life after death was for what they hunted,
The timeless art of time preservation,
Looking to Osiris for the afterlife sanction,
Old Kingdom frontin from BCE two five hunna’[1],
With the Palette of Narmer fusing lower and uppa’,
The king rocks both crowns standing over the others,
Hierarchy of scale, send it back to Gunner,


Brick stone tomb call that a mastaba,
Bury big papa[2] and enter the new saga,
Remove brains and organs but preserving the ka,
More gold in the room than on the hands of Shabba[3],
Stack em like money and step it like Djoser,
The first pyramid created for his kingly owner,
By Imhotep, first artist, he ain't no poser,
Building mortuary precincts, trend is far from over,
The stepped pyramid was just to tease ya,
Now we coming at you full with the Pyramids of Giza,
With the pharaoh in the middle, sipping sangria,
His dancing queen below him, call that Mummy-Mia[4]!


From the pyramid of Khafre comes Khafre Enthroned,
Made of diorite and more stable than our ozone,
Unbreakably sound a big “f you” to Cronos[5],
To embody the soul as it enters the unknown,


Same message for Menkaure 'cept it's made of Graywacke,
Formal and rigid, paralysis, like Tay-Sachs[6],
The final denouement for him, we talkin Freytag[7],
But the plot of Egypt is still laying down hot tracks,


With the New Kingdom comes some new temples,
A shrine to worship Hatshepsut, she was far from mental,
Daughter of the sun god and hotter than a kettle,
Hows that for genetics, someone call Mendel[8],
The colonnades of Hatshep was one-upped by Ramses,
By Atlantid columns, Iggy, he's so fancy[9],
Out of living rock, the facade was just dandy,
Four statues of the warrior seated and commanding,


Temple of Amen-Re, hypostyle hall
Sacred lake, from which the world evolved
Built by many pharaohs, come one come all,
Made for a dynasty that never falls,
Uh, the Tomb of Nebamun,
So much to say, I wish I never begun,
Fowling Scene, where a young man hunts,
And the Dancing Scene, fresco secco banquet done,


OW, got more gold than King Tut,
Goals with the soul, with stones on the front,
The radical pharaoh Akhenaten's son,
Found by Howard Carter, let the beat play on
Prize of the Amarna, Bust of Nefertiti,
Long neck and curves to show divine beauty,
Used by Thutmose as a model for other pieces,
Akhenaten and wife, constantly needy,


Last one ay the book of the dead,
The final judgement before their afterlife bed,
Anubis, Thoth, Horus, all present,
Egyptian art, and now we've reached the end.

REFERENCES
[1] “3Hunna”  is a term made famous by the late and great rapper Chief Keef. Here, the reader/listener can see a slight alteration of this eloquent and almost superfluous lyrical masterpiece with 3Hunna essentially becoming 25Hunna. In Keef’s original and classic composition “Love Sosa”, through which he debuted the iconic term at hand, the lyrics scintillate as follows:

“I gets lotsa commas
I can f*** yo mama
I ain't with the drama
You can meet my llama
Riding with 3hunna”

This is just one example that can be evidential to the common discourse that Chief Keef is the greatest lyricist of all time (post OG Shakespeare).

[2] Big Papa, otherwise known as the Notorious B.I.G., played a heavy roll in the 90s rap game, despite being dwarfed by rappers such as Chief Keef in the present age. He was shot in 1997, hence the burying reference. However, one must pick up on the double entendre, as Big Papa can both refer to the rapper or a pharaoh that is to be buried beneath the Mastaba.

[3] Shabba Ranks, a Jamaican dancehall and reggae artist, is mentioned in many modern rap/trap songs, most notably “Shabba” by A$AP Ferg. Ferg chants with vigor:

“Shab-Shabba Ranks, Shab-Shab-Shabba Ranks
Eight gold rings like I'm Shab-Shabba Ranks
Four gold chains like I'm Shab-Shabba Ranks
One gold tooth like I'm Shab-Shabba Ranks
Shab-Shabba Ranks, Shab-Shab-Shabba Ranks
Eight gold rings like I'm Shab-Shabba Ranks
Two bad bi****s like I'm Shab-Shabba Ranks
One gold tooth like I'm Shab-Shabba Ranks”

Shabba has a plethora of gold adorning his body, and for more gold than that to be lining Egyptian tombs is an almost unimaginable feat.

[4] Mamma Mia! is a jukebox musical written by British playwright Catherine Johnson, based on the songs of the pop band ABBA. One of ABBA’s most famous songs, “Dancing Queen”, is commonly featured in the play. Here, the dancing queen below the pharaoh’s tomb refers to the queen’s chamber within a pyramid, which is usually located directly underneath the pharoah’s. Mummy-Mia is a play on the name of the play in which the song is featured. This line will go down as one of the most historic and game-changing lines in all of rap history.

[5] In Pagan theology, Cronos is a titan with the ability to control time. But seriously, F him. He ate his sons. That’s f*cked man. The only person whose heart is stone-cold enough to appreciate him seems to be Goya.

[6] Reader/listener, please hear us out. We are aware this line is not politically correct. For the sake of rap, however, it worked far too perfectly. If you are offended by this line, please replace “like Tay-Sachs” with “allowing no cracks”. And if you choose not to, your heart is even colder than Goya’s.

[7] Freytag’s plot structure consists of an exposition, rising action, climax, falling action, and denouement, and is often times used to explain the path of a novel through and through. Another double entendre, because the reference is referring to the timeline of Egyptian history and also is shaped like a pyramid, capitalizing on Egypt’s crowning achievements. Nothing comical here, just some much needed English lessons.

[8] Gregor Mendel is known as the father of genetics, and is commonly associated with his pea-plant experiments. Imagine that. Sitting in a green room all day. Looking at thousands of peas. Recording the characteristics of every single one. I mean… I know he like gave us genetics and all but… get a life Gregor. Get outside. Go play with friends. Conform to the cool kids. Get a life.

[9]  “Fancy” by Iggy Azalea left the biggest impact of any song ever to be created since “Love Sosa” by Chief Keef. With the radio playing it nonstop, and children mindlessly humming it during the daily pledge of allegiance, the Aussie nearly hatched her plan to take over the world, only to be thwarted by Hozier taking her to church and teaching her a much needed lesson.